I have spent the better part of the last ten years in the planning stages for major life decisions. I got married and became a step parent. My husband and I bought a condo. We pulled ourselves out of consumer debt and then got ourselves back in.
The one thing I have not accomplished is getting my degree. I woke up a few months ago and realized I was 38 years old and my life was not exactly as I thought it would be at this age. Problem was, I never planned on how my life was going to be. I just woke up every day and went to work and spent my money and lived my life one day at a time with little thought to the future. I thought I had more time.
I know part of my problem is putting things off until I was skinnier, we were in less debt, we owned a home, etc. [Insert excuse here].
The heart of the matter is that I am not satisfied with my job. What I spend more than 40 hours a week doing is mind numbingly boring and not fulfilling what so ever. The pay is enough but just enough. It has been this way for a long time. I don’t have a career plan. I have a job for the simple reason I need to keep paying silly things like my mortgage, my bills and my debt.
That’s right, it’s a JOB – not a career. I did go to college but I did not graduate. I was not certain when I was there what I wanted to do so I decided on Fashion Design. You see, I wanted to design costumes for film and theater. I wanted a career that would be creative and exciting and different every day of my life. I ended up in accounting and have been working in that field for the better part of the last fifteen years.
Sometimes I feel trapped in my life. I have a husband who I love dearly. He has two kids we help support. We have a condo and debt and I have no idea how I would even go about going back to school and paying for it and choosing what it is I would want to study all the while working full time.
Then there is the ticking clock of my age. To most people I am still young, easily able to change from a job to a career of my choosing. Even if I had no college classes under my belt and started today I would be 42 when I graduated. That is still not unreasonable to start a new career. I still would have over twenty years of working life left to live.
My fear is that I will go through all this extra schooling that I will have to borrow money to pay for and I will have to start out making less than I make now. My fear is that I decide on something and then I end up not liking it. My fear is that I might not be good enough.
Even though I have those fears I am going to do it. I have given myself just under two years to prepare. At the ripe old age of 40 I plan to go back to school and finish a degree so I can change careers and do something I enjoy. I’m certain my plan will change as I go along and find out more information but it’s a plan and you have to start with something.